


Young & Beautiful

by Eiravanora



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Winter Soldier - All Media Types
Genre: Hearing Voices, Insecurity, M/M, Multi, Song Inspired, The Great Gatsby OST, The Great Gatsby Soundtrack, based on a Lana Del Rey song, lana del rey - Freeform, young & beautiful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-25 10:35:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7529386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eiravanora/pseuds/Eiravanora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short one-shot of Bucky Barnes POV after CACW. He was put on trial and was deemed innocent. Tony threw a party for him to celebrate but he's having insecurity issues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Young & Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [United States v. Barnes, 617 F. Supp. 2d 143 (D.D.C. 2015)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2304905) by [fallingvoices](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallingvoices/pseuds/fallingvoices), [radialarch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/radialarch/pseuds/radialarch). 



> Also inspired by Lana Del Rey's Young & Beautiful
> 
> Any mistakes are solely mine. Event took place after CACW.
> 
> I am really bad at tagging my works so please if I had missed out any, do let me know.

Bucky dragged his feet as he went into the elevator. He had fussed with his bow tie before deciding that he wasn't going to wear one at all. The new shoes pinched his toes. He had asked Friday if it was a must for him to wear the clothes that were laid out for him.

"It was not an order given but I was told that Ms. Potts would be very disappointed if you didn't."

Bucky didn't want to disappoint Pepper. He didn't want to disappoint anyone. There has been a lot of him not wanting to disappoint anyone ever since the trial.

He didn't want to disappoint Steve, so he said ' _yes_ ' to moving into the compound.

He didn't want to disappoint Tony, so he said ' _yes_ ' to the party.

He didn't want to disappoint Pepper, so he quietly put the clothes on.

White buttoned down shirt with black vest and a matching suit. There were three choices of masks on his bed, next to where the clothes were laid. He asked Friday about that too.

"Seeing that it is a masquerade party, I'm afraid the mask is a requirement for all attendees."

Had it been anyone else asking, the AI would have replied with more sass. But the AI is well aware of the Asset's computer hacking skills and has always been respectful towards him. 

Bucky tsk-ed and grabbed the nearest one he could get before heading out of his room. He knew he was fashionably late. He was not intending on making a grand entrance. He was just delaying his appearance as long as possible.

 

> I've seen the world  
>  Done it all  
>  Had my cake now  
>  Diamonds, brilliant  
>  And Bel-Air now  
>  Hot summer nights, mid-July  
>  When you and I were forever wild  
>  The crazy days, city lights  
>  The way you'd play with me like a child

He could see a few of the guests along the corridor as he made his way to towards the common area. They turned to look at him, some gasped with admiration, some smiled and nodded at him as a way of greeting. He was glad that none of them approached him and tried to engage in a conversation with him. All of them had their masks on so he had no idea who they were. But he doubted he would recognize any of them even without their masks. He didn't bother putting his mask on.

He lowered his gaze and tried not to make any more eye contact and he staggered into the crowd. He was not drunk. He couldn't get drunk. But he had the demeanor of someone who was. He had pulled his long hair back into a messy bun. A few locks had escaped the restraints and he hadn't bothered to put it back neatly. He had just arrived and he was already feeling suffocated. The place was not crowded but it still felt claustrophobic. He undid his jacket so that his chest wouldn't feel so constricted. But it still hung heavy on his shoulders, so he took it off and simply toss it aside. Not really bothered about where it had landed.

He didn't want to be here.

The old Bucky would, though. Soft light reflected off the strings of crystal droplets that hung from the ceiling like dismantled chandeliers. Music was playing over in-consequent conversations. It was unfamiliar to him. He wondered if there was going to be dancing. He doubted it. The old Bucky would have hoped there was dancing. He loved to dance. He was starting to remember things and he had remembered spending many nights at the dance halls. They liked him there. He was always welcomed there.

'No,' the voice in his head said suddenly. ' _The old Bucky was welcomed there. Not you_.'

He snarled at that thought and recoiled back when someone had placed a firm hand on his shoulder.

 

> I've seen the world, lit it up  
>  As my stage now  
>  Channeling angels in the new age now  
>  Hot summer days, rock 'n' roll  
>  The way you play for me at your show  
>  And all the ways I got to know  
>  Your pretty face and electric soul

"Bucky." The voice was soft and gentle, a contrast to the menacing whirring of metal plates coming from his arm.

Steve was not wearing his mask either, but  even if he did, Bucky would recognized him still. Because of the eyes. He had to force himself to look into those azure blue eyes. The same pair that had looked upon him with sadness when they fought on the Heli-carrier, with hope, when they met in Europe and with love when his secret was revealed during the trial.

"Steve," he replied, a wave of relief washed over him.

"Where's your jacket? Didn't you like it? I made sure it was the right size." Steve asked, frowning slightly at the thought of Bucky being displeased about something.

Bucky looked down at himself as if to only just realized that he was no longer wearing it. "No, I - I don't -"

"Nevermind, it's okay," Steve assured him, tucking the loose lock of hair behind his ear. "I'm sure Pepper won't mind."

He knew that the team had gone to great lengths to make him comfortable at the compound, especially Steve. Pepper had always reminded him that 'this is your home too'.

 _Home_.

He liked the idea, but he knew he doesn't deserve it. The things he had done, the jury may have deemed him innocent, but there was still blood on his hands. And Tony, he could never make it up to Tony for forgiving him. That one act shot down all the many accusations of the billionaire being selfish and self-centred.

"I don't know if I can do this," Bucky finally said, his eyes shifting from left to right. His voice was low and concerned. He was looking around the room but not registering anything. Everything was a blur.

The trial had gone on for months and he was constantly presented to in the public eye. A conflicting difference to his protocol as The Asset where camouflage was key to survival. His face plastered on the front page of every newspaper and magazine. He was kept in isolation but that didn't stop the inmates from staring, jeering, pointing. He felt like he was a one-man freak show. Steve had been his only constant through out the whole ordeal.

"Yes you can," Steve said softly, placing a hand to the side of his face, trying to get his gaze back. "I'll be with you, okay?"

"All the way?"

"All the way," Steve parroted.

"'Til...'til the end of the line?" Bucky finally asked. Comforting words that he had recently remembered the meaning behind it.

Steve just smiled and pulled him close before planting a soft kiss on the side of his head. "'Til the end of the line."

It was exactly what he needed to hear.

> Dear lord, when I get to heaven  
>  Please let me bring my man  
>  When he comes tell me that you'll let him in  
>  Father tell me if you can  
>  Oh that grace, oh that body  
>  Oh that face makes me wanna party  
>  He's my sun, he makes me shine like diamonds

When Steve confessed his feelings in open court, Bucky had done the same. But he had thought that it was all a facade, just to win the jury's sympathy. It was risky considering that they were both under oath, but it wouldn't be the first time that someone had lied in court. When Steve kept showing him the same kind of affections well after the trial, Bucky was confused. He didn't want to believe it. He wasn't able to accept it. Regardless of what he was feeling, he couldn't believe that Steve felt the same.

' _Why would anyone love you?_ ' his inner voice kept asking him.

He doesn't know why, he might never know why, but Steve does. Bucky doesn't know for how long or if it would ever fade away. But for now, he takes what he can get.

> Will you still love me  
>  When I'm no longer young and beautiful?  
>  Will you still love me  
>  When I got nothing but my aching soul?  
>  I know you will, I know you will  
>  I know that you will  
>  Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?

And for as long as Steve loves him, he will love him back.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much guys for reading. Please do check out my other works and if you have any prompts for me or simply would like to drop me a note, here's me on [Tumblr](http://godlovelifemusic.tumblr.com/)


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